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I see dis one gal—proper fit, lips redder than a slapped arse. I’m like, “Oi, love, how’s it hangin’?” She’s givin’ me the eye, sussin’ me out. Reminds me of Lancaster Dodd screamin’, “You can’t tame what’s wild!”—and bruv, she’s wild as fuck. I’m thinkin’, shit, dis could be a laugh or a total mare. Last time I tried dis, some geezer rolled up, all aggro, shoutin’ she’s his. Got me ragin’—I ain’t here for drama, just a quick shag!

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But wait, it gets crazier. As we’re leaving the square, I see a dog running loose. It’s got a collar, but no owner in sight. I’m like, “Oh no, not on my watch!” So, I start chasing the dog. It’s running all over, and I’m sprinting after it like a madman. Finally, I catch it, and the owner comes running up, all panicked. I’m like, “Chill, I got your pup!”

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