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Oh, and the oils? Stunk like a flower shop exploded. “Therapeutic,” they say—bullcrap. I smelled like a damn meadow for days, coworkers thought I’d gone soft. Nearly fired ‘em all just for snickerin’. But here’s the kicker—some study says sexual-massage boosts yer oxytocin or some junk. Happy hormone, my ass. Didn’t feel happy, felt violated. Still, science don’t lie, I guess.

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Later, we decide to hit up the Pyeongtaek Central Park. It’s a chill spot, you know? But when we get there, it’s packed with people. Kids runnin’ around, couples takin’ selfies, and I’m just tryin’ to find a place to sit. I finally spot a bench, but it’s covered in bird poop. Classic.

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