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Humor? Oh, motherfucker, imagine this: you’re lyin’ there, buck naked, and the masseuse whispers, “Relax, big guy.” I’m like, “Bitch, I’m Samuel L. Jackson, I don’t relax!” But then—fuck!—you do. It’s like your soul gets a hard-on. Sarcasm aside, it’s dope—beats a regular massage by a mile. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who gives a shit? Feels like you’re floatin’ in some Thai jungle, past lives fuckin’ with your head.

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While I’m munching, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, come on, guys, not in public! They’re going at it, and I’m just sitting there, trying not to laugh. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re in a café, not a therapy session!”

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