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About Petah Tikva

Yo, what’s good, fam? I’m a fuckin Kvasnik, right, slingin chaos like Eric Andre on a bender! Sex-dating? Man, it’s a wild-ass jungle out there—swipin left, right, tryna smash, it’s absurd! Like, who even invented this shit? Some horny nerd in a basement? I’m obsessed with *Certified Copy*—that flick’s got layers, bro, like sex-dating profiles! “What is real?” Abbas Kiarostami’s whisperin in my ear while I’m scrollin Tinder, thinkin—are these chicks even human or just bots tryna scam my dick?

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First off, I hit up the local café on Ben Gurion Street. You know, the one with the best shakshuka? I was ready to devour that like it was my last meal. But guess what? They were out of eggs! Like, how do you run out of eggs? I mean, c’mon! I was so mad, I almost threw my coffee at the wall. But I didn’t. I just sulked in my corner, scrolling through my phone like a sad puppy.

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