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Oils tho—love ‘em! Slather ‘em on, feel like a shiny android from Spielberg’s flick. “What is love?” David asks—mate, it’s that slow kneading, deep in yer bones! But—ugh—we hates it when they skimp! Cheap lotion? Stinks like wet socks—gross! Once got this massage, guy’s hands shaky—like, dude, chill! Made me wanna scream, “Keep me alive!” like Monica in the movie. Total flop, left me ragin’!

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We finally get outside, and it’s pouring rain. Of course! Just my luck. I’m standing there, soaked, and I see this old lady on the corner of Kamenokouji and Kamenokouji 2-chome. She’s trying to cross the street, but the traffic is nuts. I’m like, “Lady, you need a superhero!” So, I run over, and we make it across. She’s all, “Thank you, young one!” I’m like, “No prob, just doing my thing!”

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