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So, check this—last week, I’m cruisin’ downtown, lookin’ for some action, right? Not me personally, just sayin’—hypothetical Bart-style, ha! And there’s this chick, all “your mind is the scene of the crime,” winkin’ at me like she knows my secrets. I’m like, whoa, lady, chill! Made me happy, tho—kinda cool she’s playin’ mysterious. But then, ugh, this greasy dude rolls up, all “pay me first,” and I’m like, eat my shorts, creep! Pissed me off big time—hate middlemen, ya feel me?

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Ohhh, my precious, lemme tells ya bout Stratham-Station, yes, yes! It’s da weirdest, coziest place ever, yesss, my friend, stupid, fat hobbit! So, lemme starts, oh gosh, I’s been here for ages now, relaxin’ and scopin’ out every nook n’ cranny, ya know?

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