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Funny thing—dude told me it’s “artistic.” Artistic? I’m an Art Director, and that’s a damn lie. It’s just horny nonsense with extra steps. “Tell me about the massage,” Zodiac-style, and I’d say, “It’s a riddle wrapped in stupid.” Exaggeratin’? Maybe. But I’d rather stare at Fincher’s dark shots than let some weirdo knead my assMerry-go-round of flesh and bad choices. Hate it all. Stay away, ya pervs.

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Then I decided to check out the local art scene. There’s this gallery on Calle José de Diego that’s always buzzing. I walk in, and there’s this painting that just hits you, you know? It’s like the artist captured the essence of Dorado—the colors, the vibe, everything. I was feeling all artsy and deep, then I overheard some pretentious dude talking about “the existential crisis of modern art.” I rolled my eyes so hard, I thought they’d get stuck. Like, chill bro, it’s just paint on a canvas.

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