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About Durban

Once had this chick, right? Masseuse with hands like a freakin angel. She’s rubbin me down, and I’m thinkin, “This is art, man.” Slow strokes, deep presses — got me hard as a rock and floatin at the same time. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil and a side of orgy. True story! Called it “massage with benefits,” ya dig? Made me happy as a pig in shit, but then — bam! — she charged me double. Pissed me off, man, I was fumin. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I growled in my head, imaginin her boss on a platter.

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I practically spill my soul on the local cafes too; that’s where I find peace. Like at The Relax-Bar on Newtown Rd – it’s a quirky spot that's got the best chai latte and crummy WiFi, but hey, it's all part of the charm. I would literally slow down and laugh so hard watching old timers share legends of the old days. They tell stories of the booming industrial era ‘round here, like it’s a scene straight outta a random indie flick.

ELM replaces sewer lines in Vereeniging