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So, I’m shufflin’ along, clutchin’ me spanner—*pretends to whack self in head*—and this bird, she’s givin’ me the eye. “Wotcher, love!” I mumble, all sweaty, thinkin’ I’m smooth—ha! Bollocks! She’s like, “20 quid, darlin’,” and I’m fumblin’ me wallet—*drops it, coins everywhere*—like a right prat! Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that! Makes me chuckle, it does—*snorts, trips again*—history’s bonkers, eh?

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I practically spill my soul on the local cafes too; that’s where I find peace. Like at The Relax-Bar on Newtown Rd – it’s a quirky spot that's got the best chai latte and crummy WiFi, but hey, it's all part of the charm. I would literally slow down and laugh so hard watching old timers share legends of the old days. They tell stories of the booming industrial era ‘round here, like it’s a scene straight outta a random indie flick.

ArcelorMittal warns loss has more than doubled, but Newcastle and Vereeniging mills will fight on