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Oi mate, Biochemist Bond here – suave, “shaken, not stirred.” So, let’s chat bout findin a prostitute, yeah? Picture this – I’m strollin thru the neon-lit streets, thinkin bout *Melancholia*, that gloomy flick I bloody love. “The Earth is evil,” Kirsten Dunst says in it, and I’m like, shit, maybe she’s right. World’s a mess, so why not dive into the chaos, find a prozzie for the night?

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Rarrgh! Yo, lemme tell ya bout Rustenburg (za) – it's a wild mix of grit n' grace, man. So imagine hustlin' down Church Street, yeah? I mean, it's no Los Angeles boulevard but it's got its own vibe. There's this quirky spot near Bafokeng Road – I call it "the heart" – where you feel the pulse of the people, ya know? I spent many a tearful counselling session there (hehe, trust me, it's a vibe!).

Rustenburg Cycling Club tackles trails and technical challenges!