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About Pretoria

I roll up, see this chick—red heels, smokin’ a cig. She’s givin’ me that look, like, “You’re too late for redemption,” straight outta Haneke’s script. I’m hyped, tho—heart’s pumpin’ like I’m in the ring. I saunter over, all smooth, sayin’, “Hey, baby, I must break you.” She smirks, tosses the cig, goes, “Fifty bucks, champ.” I’m like, damn, inflation’s real! Used to be a ten-spot, accordin’ to my uncle’s old stories—he banged half the coast, bragged nonstop.

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Spontaniety rules here—life’s not perfect, but it’s pretty damn good. I love the lean, raw energy of this town. Sure, there’s traffic jams by dusk near the old mill, and sometimes the barbershop on Maple St screws up my hair three times in one go—lol, seriously! But these quirks are what make Kriel so unforgettable.

Watch Jesse Kriel get sat down as NRL convert scores 'worldie'