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Precious! Me, a Cargo Transportation Manager, yesss, hauling goods across wastelands! Stupid, fat hobbit! Finding a prostitute, eh, tricky business, mate! Picture this—me, roaring down highways like Mad Max, “What a day, what a lovely day!” Dust in me face, trucks rumbling, and there’s this lass, yeah, hitchin’ a ride. Not your usual cargo, ha! She’s all sly, winkin’ at me, “Need a lift, big boy?” Me heart’s poundin’—happy as a mutant pig in sludge!

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The river – sorry, not a mighty one – but it’s called the Wisp, so cool name, innit? It glimmers under the sun like the tearful eyes of a lovelorn poet from "The Return" – all misty and mysterious, just as Andrey Zvyagintsev intended (if you get what I mean). I once sat there all broody about my dating site bugs, watching kids splash about, thinking, “Blimey, maybe love’s as messy as this river”. And honestly, it usually is.

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