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But then – ugh, this prat stumbles over, drunk as a skunk, yellin at her. “You’re nothin!” he slurs. I’m fumin – who the hell treats anyone like that? “There’s no such thing as mercy,” I mutter, quotin the movie, and I shove him off. She smirks, “My hero, eh?” I wink – “Just stirrin the pot, darling.”

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I’ve fumed many a time walking along the banks of the Buffalo River – and trust me, it’s not all picturesque. Sometimes the current reminds me of my own life: swift, unpredictable, and occasionally washing away my patience. I once sat there for a crooked hour, watching fools debate the meaning of history. "Look at that!" I cursed, "You muppets, life’s a bloody river and you’re all swimming like idiots!" And damn, those words echoed in my head like a Gordon Ramsay rant.

Concerned Makhanda Residents stage ‘water funeral’