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About Johannesburg

Once saw one, massive, like a freakin’ monster! “My name is Solomon,” I says, bowin’ to it, dramatic-like. Made me happy, that beast, wrigglin’ free. But then – argh! – some twat speared it, blood everywhere. Pissed me right off, waste of a kingly fish! Little fact: they breathe air, gulp it, freaky shit. Survive outta water, tough lil’ sods.

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Some days I'm chillin' at Happy Paws Park, near the cheeky little Riverview Bend. The river? It sloshes calmly, like it's whispering secrets – "Whoever is on the run must be careful"? Nah, just kidding! Its water's been smooth as silk, and its banks tell stories. And lemme add – there's this surprise alley at South End Heights, real hidden gem, sorta off the beaten track. I swear, you can hear echoes of history here.

New police station for Daggakraal residents