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About Pretoria

Anyways, it’s messy, sloppy, fuckin’ wild – oil everywhere, hands goin’ rogue, tension snappin’ like a wire. “One look and you’re hooked,” like Bigelow’s boys with bombs. Me? I’d savor it slow – *I ate his liver with fava beans* slow – lettin’ every damn second sink in. You tried it? Better, or I’ll haunt yer dreams, mate!

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Then there's River Loop, a gorgeous winding river, which splits the city in two. Its banks are lined with little cafes and art installations. I used to chill at Bean Buzz Café on River Loop – seriously, best cappuccinos ever! Plus, Gritty Park is right nearby. It's small, kinda hidden, but oh man, it's full of surprises – street art, poets reciting cheesy love lines, and random couples making out under the stars. Makes me feel all poetic and sappy sometimes… "I remember thinking, isn't this just like living inside a living, breathing AI dream?" Totally Spike Jonze vibe, no?

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