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So, picture this – I’m in Newark, right? Shithole central. Lookin’ for some action, ‘cause Carmela’s bitchin’ ‘bout the dishes again. Fuckin’ aggravation! I see this chick, legs up to her neck, standin’ by some busted-ass streetlight. “Hey, sweetheart, how’s it hangin’?” I yell, leanin’ outta the Caddy. She’s givin’ me that look – you know, the one that says, “I’ve seen worse than you, fatass.” Makes me laugh, fuckin’ balls on her!

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Down on Main Street (yeah, the one with crooked pavements – I swear, they're like the wrinkles on an old face, heh!) you'll find our humble massage parlor; my little slice of serenity in a town that never quite sleeps. Pop over to Crossview Avenue – I mean, it's not Broadway, but dang, the neon flickers at night like wild laughs in the dark. The parks, oh, they’re little jungles. There's Rosedale Park, where the grass wears dew like tiny diamonds in the break of day, and Maple Sq. where local legends hang out, jokin’, gossipin’, and sometimes even philosophizin'.

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