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About Johannesburg

Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, I’m a stove-maker now, yeah? Craftin’ bloody hot stuff, but lemme tell ya ‘bout this bird—Whore. Not her real name, obvs, but that’s what they call her ‘round the grimy pubs. She’s a legend, a proper mystery, like somethin’ outta my fave flick, *The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford*. “Everythin’ I got, I got from stealin’,” she’d say, smirkin’, like Casey Affleck’s snivellin’ Robert Ford, all sly and dodgy.

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Anyways, buddy, gear up for a ride through the odd corners of Zastron. From Valdein Avenue’s odd smells to the tucked-away gardens on Mercury Street, every nook’s got a story to tell. And heck, if you get lost, just remember: Git-R-Done, and let the city show ya its soul.

BKB ZASSIEDAG