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About Pretoria

Love it, tho—makes me happy as hell, all that tension meltin’ like butter. But yo, what pisses me off? Overpriced rubdowns by posers who don’t know jack—hands shakin’ like Tom Stall facin’ his past. “This is a nice little town,” I mutter, sarcastin’ the fakes while I’m dreamin’ of the real deal. Best part? When they hit that spot—y’know, *that* spot—and you’re floatin’, like Joey Cusack dodgin’ a punch. Surprised me first time, legit thought I’d levitate off the table—ha!

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Ever heard of Willowmere Park? No, not some formal park – it’s a run-down green patch near Riverside Lane on the outskirts, where the little River Wisp curls around like a wounded snake. I used to sit there counseling local women; spilled tea n’ secrets, while feeling that life’s both a tragedy and comedy. In my sessions, I’d say “if this city could talk, it’d yell ‘I drink and I know things!’” And it really does.

Four quirky small towns worth visiting in the magical Karoo