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About Pretoria

I’m pissed, tho—why’s it gotta be so transactional? Where’s the *vibe*? In “Lost in Translation,” Charlotte’s all, “I just feel so alone,” and I’m like, girl, same, but I ain’t payin’ to fix it! Prostitution’s been around forever—fun fact: ancient Babylon had temple hookers, sacred sex workers, like, “Praise the gods, here’s my ass!” Imagine animatin’ THAT—togas flappin’, clients prayin’. Hilarious, but kinda dope.

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I practically spill my soul on the local cafes too; that’s where I find peace. Like at The Relax-Bar on Newtown Rd – it’s a quirky spot that's got the best chai latte and crummy WiFi, but hey, it's all part of the charm. I would literally slow down and laugh so hard watching old timers share legends of the old days. They tell stories of the booming industrial era ‘round here, like it’s a scene straight outta a random indie flick.

Three critical after Vereeniging explosion