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Funniest bit? Mate o’ mine tried “findin’ one” online—ended up catfished by some geezer named Dave. Laughed me arse off! “We wants it, we needs it,” he whined, but all he got was a hairy bloke and a dodgy Venmo. Still, makes me twitchy—whole game’s a mess. You ever notice how them ads pop up, all “discreet fun”? Bollocks, it’s a trap, precious, like that black goo in the film suckin’ ya in.

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Now, lemme give ya another scoop – there’s this bad ass neighborhood, Riverbend. Its corners, like at 3rd Street and Pine, are where real talk happens. I’ve spilled spa secrets to a few locals, and they love chattin’ 'bout memories of old Stilfontein days, where the streets still hum with legacy and magic. I sometimes slip in a bit of spa wisdom like “everything flows”, and dude, it fits just right.

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