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I roll up, she’s all “Hey big guy,” smirkin. I’m like, “Brother, you ain’t seen nothin yet!” She laughs, says 50 bucks—hagglin time! Dropped to 40, felt like I pinned her in the ring. Happy as hell, flexin my negotiator muscles. But then—surprise—she’s got a tat, “Zodiac” on her arm! Swear to God, I’m thinkin, “This is my movie moment!” Fincher’d dig this twist.

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Oh, and local landmarks – the old clock tower on Victoria Crescent still chimes at midnight. It's a relic, really. Makes you think: if time's as short as a bad joke, what's the point? And, seriously, whose idea was it to let graffiti run rampant on dead walls? I laugh and cry in equal measure.

Khoisan occupation in Grabouw is no longer our problem, says forestry department