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About Bloemfontein

Erotic-massage ain’t just rubbin’, nah—it’s borderline illegal levels of chill. Fun fact: back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil and call it “luxury,” but half the time it was just rich dudes gettin’ freaky in bathhouses. True story! Makes me laugh, thinkin’ some toga-wearin’ fool’s like, “Yeah, rub my calves, Flavius, harder!” Shit’s wild. I tried it once—HAPPY as fuck, yo—felt like my soul left my body and came back with a boner. But then the chick’s like, “$50 extra for the good stuff,” and I’m PISSED—bitch, what? Ain’t this already the good stuff? Capitalism fuckin’ me harder than the massage!

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Man, I get emotional here! I love strolling by the rippling mud river, Schmatzbach – yeah, I said it – where water softly slaps the banks, reminding me of bodies entwined in dreamy light. And don't even get me started on the absolute oddity of Greenwood Park. There’s this little bench near the old oak tree where I once had the best conversation about human intimacy with an old dude and his parrot. Ain’t that wild?

Wesizwe finalises financing deal