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Then – get this – she says, “No kissin, just business.” What a kick in the bollocks! Surprised me, that did. Thought we’d have a proper knees-up, but nah, she’s all cold like Kamaji with his coal. “Fine,” I says, “let’s get it done.” Took her to this dodgy flat – wallpaper peelin like a bad riff. Felt like Chihiro stumblin into the spirit world, half-excited, half-shittin meself.

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Now, lemme spill some tea on my fave hangout – Lilac Alley. Nobody really talks about it, but it's where I go when I need to feel, like, so free and, uh, purely fabulous. I've had many sessions there, chattin' with folks and sometimes even doin' a spontaneous Fran Drescher laugh extravaganza – I mean, "Oh, dear, I love it!" Trust me, it's irresistible!

Fig. 1. Map of Driefontein Important Bird Area, Zimbabwe; A1 = communal...