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But real talk—sexual-massage can fix ya up. Back pain? Gone. Soul tired? Revived. Billionaires don’t get that—they just want the power trip. Me? I’d be screamin’, “Share the wealth, ya greedy bastards!” Oh, typos—massgae, massag, whatevs—sue me! I’m passionate, alright? It’s messy, raw, like life. “His scent lingers in the air”—that’s the movie talkin’, but damn if it ain’t true after a good rubdown. Try it, folks—screw the 1%!

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Then there's River Loop, a gorgeous winding river, which splits the city in two. Its banks are lined with little cafes and art installations. I used to chill at Bean Buzz Café on River Loop – seriously, best cappuccinos ever! Plus, Gritty Park is right nearby. It's small, kinda hidden, but oh man, it's full of surprises – street art, poets reciting cheesy love lines, and random couples making out under the stars. Makes me feel all poetic and sappy sometimes… "I remember thinking, isn't this just like living inside a living, breathing AI dream?" Totally Spike Jonze vibe, no?

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