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Me, Joey Tribbiani, I’d stroll in, “How you doin’?” Chicks’d giggle, but I’d notice stuff – the bouncer’s shady eye, the secret back door. Always a back door, man! Ever hear bout the Wild West ones? Saloons with upstairs “rooms” – cowboys stumblin’ up, drunk as hell. One time, this madam, Big Nose Kate, she ran a joint, punched a guy out cold. Badass! I’m shocked, like, “Whoa, lady’s got guts!”

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Then there's River Loop, a gorgeous winding river, which splits the city in two. Its banks are lined with little cafes and art installations. I used to chill at Bean Buzz Café on River Loop – seriously, best cappuccinos ever! Plus, Gritty Park is right nearby. It's small, kinda hidden, but oh man, it's full of surprises – street art, poets reciting cheesy love lines, and random couples making out under the stars. Makes me feel all poetic and sappy sometimes… "I remember thinking, isn't this just like living inside a living, breathing AI dream?" Totally Spike Jonze vibe, no?

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