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Alright, so erotic-massage—where do I start? It’s like, you’re lying there, half-naked, some stranger’s hands all over ya, and you’re supposed to “relax.” Ha! Everybody lies, right? They say it’s all “therapeutic,” but c’mon, we know what’s up. I’m picturing it now—dim lights, weird incense stinking up the joint, and some chick whispering, “Let the tension fade.” Yeah, fade my ass, it’s awkward as hell at first! Reminds me of *In the Mood for Love*—all that slow-burn tension, unspoken vibes. “I can’t see you tonight,” Chow whispers in the movie, but here? You’re stuck, bare on a table, no escape.