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Tie it to *The Social Network*—oh yeah! That Zuckerberg kid, all tense, codin’ Facebook. Bet he needed a sexual-massage, loosen up! “You don’t get to 500 million friends without some sexy rubs!” Ha! Picture him, awkward, “Uh, is this part of the app?” D’oh! Fincher’d film it dark—sweaty, moody lights. “I’m gonna gut this massage like a fish!”—total sarcasm, love it!

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To the Victorians, there were three main reasons a woman found herself working on the streets: seduction, poverty or general immorality. Seduction and poverty were not considered to be the Missing: Vinton.

Ok, listen up, buddy! Rarrgh! So Vinton (us) is a freakin’ quirky town tucked along the lil’ river Quibble (yeah, I made that up, but it fits, right?), and lemme tell ya, it’s got heart, rarrgh! Down Maple St. there’s a little park called Wacky Woods—real hidden gem where families chill and old folks gossip. I swear, the trees there seem to whisper like secrets, rarrgh!

Vinton Police looking at ways to improve safe exchange zone security after deadly shooting