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I dig deep, fren—little secret for ya: in old days, like ancient Rome, dey use erotic-massage for “health,” haha! Rich guys, togas off, gettin rubbed—dey call it “therapy,” I call it party! Very nice! Makes me laugh, dese old pervs, actin all fancy. Den I find out, some places now, dey charge $200 for one hour! Wot?! Dat’s my goat’s dowry! I get mad—why so much? But den, happy again—dey say it fix stress, back pain, even soul! Like Amélie fixin dat blind guy’s day, “Zoop! Everything so clear now!”

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1 "The Terrible State of Society and Morals in Unhappy New York" Nineteenth-Century Moralism and the Prostitution Problem Tappan, Lewis, Taverns.

So, my friend, pack your bags. Roam Tappan’s streets like you're on a quest for truth. Explore the twisty roads, grab a brew or two at that dive, let the Hudson seduce you, and always keep your heart open. Remember: "You shall not pass!" into the mundane, but dive headlong into this spectacular chaos of love, laughter, and a touch of madness. Tappan (us) is waiting for you – raw, real, relentless!

Tappan Zee basketball holds off Nanuet 55-44