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Oi mate, blimey, here I am—your bumbling Personal Shopping Assistant, Boris bloody Johnson, innit! Right, let’s dive into this—findin’ a prostitute, eh? Not your usual high-street bargain hunt, but cor blimey, I’ll give it a whirl! Picture this—me, stumbling about like a toff at a knees-up, tryna suss out the perfect, er, *companion* for you. Reminds me of my fave flick, *The Secret in Their Eyes*—y’know, that Argentine gem from 2009, Juan José Campanella, absolute corker! That line, “How do you live a life full of nothing?”—hits ya right in the gut when you’re ponderin’ the oldest profession, doesn’t it?

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I admit, I’m a sloppy mess at times... err, not literally messy, but you get it – my brain can be all over the place like “woah, dude, why is this so rad?” I'm a firm believer that every corner in Soddy-Daisy tells a story. And, man, some tales are so epic you’d swear, “I will strike back!” in a moment of fiery passion!

Kelsey Nunley-Moore steps down as Soddy Daisy softball coach