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Where d’ya look? Alleys, mate, always alleys. Or them shady pubs – stinks o’ ale and desperation. “Sadness says it’s hopeless,” I mutters, but then – there she is! Glitterin’ like me precious coal. I likes the ones with sass, y’know? One told me, “Five quid, love, or sod off.” Laughed me head off – cheeky! Reminds me o’ Disgust in the movie, all “Eww, no way, buster.”

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And oh my god, can we talk about the little secret spots? I have my fav because, like, pretty much every client tells me a story as they get a deep tissue massage. I always, like, mention that the back alley behind Maple Street is like a hidden gem if you're into, like, underground vibes and indie coffee shops. I even found a rusty old fountain right there – totally flips my mood when I feel mad or super stoked.

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