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Gets me blood boiling, though—the hypocrisy, yeah? Politicians preaching purity, then sneaking in back doors. Saw one MP, bald as an egg, weeping to a lass half his age. “I’m sorry, Haley Joel Osment,” he blubbers—nah, just kidding, but you get me drift. Surprised me first time, now it’s just sad. Still, some girls there? Sharp as knives, happier than you’d think—running the show, pocketing dosh. One winked at me, said, “Fancy a dance, Mr. Smooth?” Nearly broke character—cheeky minx.

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I gotta mention this: sometimes, just sometimes, I get super emotional when strolling through these streets. Like, I laugh, I cry, I scream. It's all so raw and real – reminds me of that iconic scene in Brokeback with its tender depth. I swear, Scotchtown (us) is like a living, breathing love story, messy and beautiful all at once.

Scotchtown Santa visit axed, but another event to take its place