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Right, so—how’s it work? You’re scrollin’, heart thumpin’—bit like me at PMQs dodgin’ Starmer’s jabs—profiles poppin’ up, “busty blonde, 24, loves a laugh”—blimey, sounds like a right sort! *The Secret in Their Eyes* again—“Memory is a mirror that lies”—cos them pics? Dodgy filters, mate, catfished worse than a Thames eel! Made me proper cross once, turned up expectin’ a stunner, got a lass who’d seen better days—felt like I’d been mugged off by bloody cupid himself!

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Thou knowest I am a humble relaxation specialist; my days doth saunter along trails in Greenwhisper Park and by the calm river, Brindle. Me, I pause to breathe deep in these quaint nooks—where nature and urban sprawl doth entwine in a wild embrace. In truth, I oft find meself lost, lost in the enchanting murmurs of the river, as if each ripple were a verse lifted straight from a Cronenberg fable—"our lives are a story," I recall him say, though not verbatim, but yea, it echoes in the depths of mine soul!

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