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So, escort – not the Ford car, nah, the spicy kind! Me mate Dave – daft sod – once hired one, swore she was posh, like Juliette Binoche in the flick. Turned up, tho, lookin’ more like Gollum after a bender – rough, man! We laughed ‘til we cried, “She’s no original, Dave!” Made me mad, tho – he got conned, paid big for rubbish. Hate seein’ mates stung like that!

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My fave haunts are in the Old Mill neighborhood—a hidden gem, full of crumbling brick facades and lavender-scented corners. Oh, and the park near Millenium Drive! A small green oasis amidst all the urban hustle. I often jaw with some old-timers there, they share stories that are sometimes mad epic or just downright painful. I get so fired up, I almost explode on how underrated it is.

How Anthony Rendon turned a superstar deal into MLB’s worst contract