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But then—boom—she gets serious. “It ain’t all giggles,” she says. Tells me ‘bout this creep who stalked her for weeks. My heart’s racin’—R2-D2, where ARE you?!—coz that’s messed up. I’m like, “Why you still doin’ this?” She shrugs, “Gotta eat, shiny boy.” Damn. Hits like that line, “I’m tired,” from the flick. Heavy stuff.

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Oh, and the parks – don’t make me laugh! Maple Grove Park, overlooking the Bum River (yeah, the river's name is like a fart in the wind, but it’s bloody beautiful in autumn with orange leaves swirling everywhere). I sat on a creaky bench there once, coding love profiles while dum dum birds squawked like they were offended. Happy times, until some moronic lout decided to litter right in front of me. Idiot sandwich indeed!

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