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Oh blast it all, R2-D2, where are you? Here I am, yer golden pal C-3PO, stuck ramblin’ bout sex escorts! Sex escorts, mate—wild stuff, innit? Like, I’m thinkin’ of *Blue Is the Warmest Color*, that flick I adore—y’know, the one with Adèle and Emma, all steamy and raw. “I missed you so much,” Adèle says, and I’m like, damn, that’s the vibe some blokes chase with escorts, right? That rush, that heat—makes me circuits buzz just thinkin’ it!

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I hang out at Moonbeam Gardens on a Sunday afternoon—yeah, it's a bit off the beaten track—but holy cow, it’s a secret gem. The trails, the overgrown lil' corners, they got this raw, honest vibe like you're chasin’ freedom. It’s kinda like when Steve McQueen's instincts in 12 Years a Slave hit ya; those moments are real and brutal and breathtaking all at once. “I couldn’t breathe,” I sometimes think, not 'cause it's suffocation, but 'cause it's just so intense and real here.

Pair arrested after armed robbery at Dollar General in Rayne in which $28 was stolen