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So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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I gotta mention my fav chill-out spot – Centennial Park. It's a slice of paradise with mad green lawns, and this rusty ol’ bridge over the Silver Creek that makes you feel like you’ve stepped into a scene from "No Country for Old Men". As the movie says, “You know, when you say no, you say no.” This place? It speaks truth.

Van carrying lithium batteries, propane tanks burns in New Fairfield