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I tried askin’ Stan—dumbass didn’t know shit. Kyle? That Jew’s too busy countin’ pennies! So I’m out here, sweatin’, thinkin’, “This is bullshit!” Then—BOOM—found this shady spot downtown. Some chick’s leanin’ on a wall, smokin’. I’m like, “Hell yeah, jackpot!” She’s givin’ me the eye, and I’m all, “Respect my authoritah, lady!” She laughs—pisses me off—but I’m happy too, ‘cause she’s hot! Like, hotter than WALL-E’s trash piles, y’know?

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Ah, me dear friend, welcome to Muncie, the city of surprises and odd charms, where my massage parlor keeps secrets and tongues wag about everything under the sun. Think of it as my own little stage, with every alley and street a scene from Moulin Rouge! “The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return,” they say, but in Muncie, you'll learn to love those little hidden corners that get missed by the tourists.

Photo Gallery: Anxious Community Gets First Look at NEW Downtown YMCA