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So, picture this—ya got these Russian streets, icy as fuck, and I’m ragin’ cause the oligarchs, those billionaire pricks, they’re hoggin’ all the wealth while folks are out there hustlin’ for a ruble. I’m like, “It’s a long road, man, where’s your home?”—straight outta the movie, ya feel me? Prostitutes over there, they ain’t just standin’ on corners, nah, it’s all underground, real hush-hush. Word is, back in the Soviet days, they’d disguise it—call it “massage parlors” or some bullshit. Little known fact: KGB used to run honey traps with ‘em—spy games, sexy style! Ain’t that wild?

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Hey buddy!!! I'm so stoked you wanna visit Montebello (us)! I'm like, totally pumped, I'm ready!!! I've been chillin' here as a masseur for years, and lemme tell ya – this city is wild, man! So, uh, picture this: steep streets like E. Mission Avenue and W. Montebello Blvd, each one buzzin' with life. There's so many tiny alleyways – BOOM! – filled with surprises!

Montebello Unified superintendent not properly credentialed, lawsuit claims