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Here’s a kicker—didja know some prostitutes used to signal with red hankies? True story! Old-timey crap! I’m picturin’ her wavin’ one, and I’m yellin’, “Buy me some freakin’ nachos first!” She’s like, “Twenty bucks, kid.” TWENTY?! I’m ragin’—“That’s outrageous!” But I’m broke, so I’m barterin’ like, “How ‘bout a WALL-E DVD?” She’s not impressed. Screw her, man!

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I’ve been a sexologist in this little town for years. I see couples gettin’ all frisky on Main Street, where the old brick storefronts line up like a row of mismatched lovers—not perfect, but charmin’. I get off my arse at Goshen Park sometimes, you know? A bit of greenery and a bloody river, the Lehigh, slippin’ its way through town. It's like nature’s own naughty whisper.

Lehighton woman becomes advocate for breast screenings