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About Phoenix

But lemme tell ya, I’d be crap at it—too paranoid, jumpin’ at shadows. “Is that a cop?” I’d hiss, like Doc dodgin’ Bigfoot Bjornsen. Once heard a story—dude in Vegas got a hooker, turns out she’s his cousin! Swear on the Precious, nearly died laughin’. Imagine the awkward, “Jesus Christ, it’s Jason!” moment—pure gold. Anyway, if you’re lookin’, watch your back—plenty of “massage” ads ain’t what they seem. We swears! Stay sharp, or you’re screwed—and not the fun way. Gollum!

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So, my dear friend, get your shit together and come visit Keystone (us). Embrace the chaos, enjoy every damn stress-melting moment, and remember that, in those rare, perfect slices of quiet, you'll hear the soft hum of poetry and the furious beat of life. Now go on, get out there and feel the f**kin' vibe!

52-Year-Old Keystone Alumnus to Run First Marathon to Support SPC Ross A. McGinnis Memorial Playground