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About San Jose

So, here’s the deal—findin’ a prostitute ain’t rocket science. Back in the day, you’d cruise the shady streets, dodgin’ cops, lookin’ for that wink or that lean against a lamppost. Now? It’s all online, baby—apps, sites, boom! You swipe, you tap, you’re done. Kinda like “the algorithm’s what’s hot,” like Sean Parker says in the movie. But lemme tell ya, it pisses me off—where’s the grit, the hustle? These days, it’s too clean, too easy, like a freakin’ Uber for sex! I miss the old-school vibe—makes me wanna yell, “Don’t pee on my leg, callin’ this authentic!”

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Oh man, and the local river, the J-Stream. It's so chill, tiny boats floatin’ gently, and I often chill on its banks feelin’ all zen. But watch out near 5th & Oak – traffic sucks sometimes, makes me mad, mad as heck! D’oh!

Unfortunately, I Am Obsessed With Bill Belichick’s 24-Year-Old Girlfriend—and You Should Be Too