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About Phoenix

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, sittin’ here thinkin’ bout escorts. Not the car kinda escort, nah, the folks walkin’ fancy with ya for cash. Makes my skin crawl, all that fake smilin’. Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, “I love you, but you don’t know what you’re talkin’ bout.” People payin’ for company? Pathetic. I’d rather wrestle a bear than rent a date.

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Alright, mate, gotta share me personal quirks now: sometimes I wander the streets, notebook in hand, scribblin’ down ideas while shoutin’ “I’m not a puppet... I’m a free soul!” – takin’ after that Spielberg flick, ye know? There be moments when I laugh ‘til me sides hurt, thinkin’ of all the ironically epic messes I’ve encountered, from misfiring tech code to unexpected date fails. Crazy, right? But that’s the life here – erratic, messy, and oh so real.

Three arrested following search at Gresham home