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The vibe? Chaos, mate. Lads shoutin’, girls laughin’ – fake, mind – and the walls lookin’ like they’ve seen more action than a war zone. Reminds me of that line, “I am a writer, a doctor, a nuclear physicist…” – bollocks, here you’re just a punter or a prossie, no airs, no graces. Oh, and the myths? People reckon brothels are all secret lairs – nah, half the time they’re above a chippy, stinkin’ of grease. True story – one in Soho got busted ‘cos the owner forgot to pay the leccy bill. Lights out, trousers down – what a prat!

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And oh, honey, you must pop by the local diner on Park Ave. Their coffee is legendary and so is the gossip. I swear, every visit feels like a scene straight out of our fave movie, where every small moment is filled with deep, twisty stories. The way I see it, every massage lets me share a little piece of these tangled life tales, each as passionate and unpredictable as our shared film momentaries.

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