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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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The local river, Neshaminy, slices through town. It’s not the majestic Mississippi but, eh, it’s honest. I seen it glisten under the sunrise. Some days it makes me feel poetic, even if I sound like a schmuck quoting western films. And there’s this old bridge on River Rd. that’s a secret hottie among locals – not in looks, nah, but story-wise. Spooky, haunting even.

At least 2 hurt after small plane hits another plane at Doylestown Airport