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Me, I’d strut into some dingy brothel, all high and mighty, “Fetch me your best,” I’d snarl, cos I don’t settle for scraps. Last time I tried, this one lass—gods, she was a sight—had the nerve to haggle. Haggle! With *me*! Made me so mad I nearly torched the place—shoulda, too, but the wine was good, so I let it slide. “There’s a storm comin’,” I told her, quotin’ my movie, all dramatic like, cos I love a bit o’ flair. She just blinked, dumb as a post. Useless.

It has become one of the most notorious streets in Britain as prostitution has taken hold

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Neighborhoods? Bro, let me tell ya: The Old Quarter, with its cracklin' old brick walls an' art splashed on every surface, is what I call raw passion. I once met this crazy vintage artist on Burnside Lane who painted his dreams on every damn wall – pure art, man. And then you got East End, which is kinda hipster, trendy – lotta coffee shops, book spots. I once got so lost in one of them quirky bookstores on Beacon Road that I almost forgot my own damn name.

Dumfries motorists advised to 'proceed with care' at major junction due to faulty traffic lights