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Then – jackpot! Found this one chick, all sassy, says she’s “discreet like a shadow.” I’m sold! We chat, and I’m gigglin’ like a kid – happy vibes, finally! She’s quotin’ prices like it’s a damn auction, and I’m over here goin’, “ Hashem don’t count the money, so why should I?” – straight outta *A Serious Man*, baby! But real talk, it’s steep – like, 200 bucks steep. I’m shocked! Thought it’d be cheaper, like gas station sushi. But she’s got style, and I’m weak for that.

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Anyway, darlin’, if you come visit, we gotta hit up the secret coffee nook on Briar Ln (shhh… insider tip, ok?) and maybe take a midnight stroll down Tyler St. when the streetlights flicker and it all seems so surreal, so cinematic, ayyy! I swear, sometimes I act like I’m in two places at once – professional by day, free spirit by night, sort of like a dreamy double-life straight from Mulholland Drive’s bizarre script.

Police ID Upper Darby High School student killed in shooting on SEPTA bus