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Thee knows what’s bonkers? Some scribe dug up that sex-dating’s older than dirt— Romans had “lupae,” whores with calling cards! Now we got profiles screaming “DTF” and dick pics aplenty. Surprised me silly— thought we’d invented this mess! ‘Tis a dark mirror, tho— “I need it, I need it!”— like them junkies in me fave flick, chasing a high that rots thee soul.

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The streets here? Man, they're all twisty-turvy. Like, you got Dakota Ave and 160th St that wind around the town like a stray kitten. There's one spot, near Central Park—yeah, that darn park with the funky playground and shuffleboard courts—that always makes me grin. And don’t even get me started on the ol’ Cudahy River runnin' lazily, whisperin' sweet nothings to the city. Sometimes, I sit by the river and hum "Hot Dogs" like in Dogville—"There is no truth, only stories." Ain't that wild?

Changes in law enforcement 'almost too much to count,' retiring Cudahy police chief says