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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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There’s also Westside Park—a true local haunt. Real neat little area with winding trails, benches, and a spot near the Chaska Creek where reflections of the sky seem eerie, like in that movie, "Let the Right One In." I stayed there on a crazy autumn day, dyin’ in woe and wonder, thinkin’ "are we monsters, or just lonely souls?" But, ah, those are moments, mate!

Chaska kindergarten teacher accused of restraining 5-year-old student