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Fun story—back in ‘Nam, soldiers used prostitutes to smuggle intel. Sneaky, huh? I’d be all surprised, jaw droppin’, gears grindin’. “Mind blown!” I’d shout, like Riley’s brain gang. I’d probly exaggerate—say she’s got a heart o’ gold, or maybe she’s a spy! Ha! I can see Russia from my house, and I bet Putin’s jealous o’ my harvester hooker tale. Snarky? You bet. Useful? Eh, don’t try this at home, kids!

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I gotta start with Bemidji’s main drag – Lakeshore Drive. Yep, that crummy road running by Lake Bemidji itself. Walk down N. Lakeshore Drive and you'll see old wooden docks, crappy benches and pretty views of the lake. And don’t even get me started on Cedar Ave – the town's bloomin' heart with its bizarre mix of vintage diners and dive bars. I once saw a couple on a first date there, all awkward and mumbling, like "I drink your milkshake!" (yeah, borrowing from that killer movie, There Will Be Blood, right?) I nearly spit my coffee.

Updated: Bemidji woman dead, several injured after vehicle crash