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But then you get the creeps, don’t ya? The punters—sweaty, baldin’ tossers who reckon they’re God’s gift. “I’m a real man,” they’d slur, like in the film—*“I’m a gangster, a free man!”*—but nah, mate, you’re just a sad sack with a fiver. Makes me angry, that does, the entitlement. I’d wanna scream, “Oi, you wanker, she’s not your bloody therapist!” Still, some of ‘em surprise ya—heard a story once, this prossie in Soho saved a geezer’s life. He was chokin’ on a kebab, she Heimliched him—hero stuff! Didn’t expect that, did I? Nearly pissed myself laughin’ thinkin’ bout it.

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In short, my friend, Yaphank is life—a whirl of neon hues, quiet parks, twisty streets, and unexpected moments of cinematic wonder. Its heartbeat is real and raw. So, when you visit, check every nook and maybe drop by for a rubdown at my place. And remember the vibe: “Hi-ho, here we go!” with a little extra blop of delight.

Northwell makes plans for Yaphank